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mickster1

Binky

shaunthesheep

7 posters

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shaunthesheep

shaunthesheep: Most Valued Member; Posts : 1672
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Join date : 2009-11-19
Age : 64
Location : west midlands

Post n°1

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shaunthesheep Thu Feb 25, 2010 2:40 am

DRIVERS: Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone while driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think you are listening to the sea.

from viz magazine

Last edited by shaunthesheep on Thu Feb 25, 2010 9:13 am; edited 1 time in total

shaunthesheep

shaunthesheep: Most Valued Member; Posts : 1672
Attitude : 1
Join date : 2009-11-19
Age : 64
Location : west midlands

Post n°2

Re: TOP TIP OF THE DAY

shaunthesheep Thu Feb 25, 2010 2:43 am

ANGLERS: Attach a helium balloon to your line and bait the hook with an acorn. Then sit under a tree and "fish" for squirrels. An upturned laundry basket would make an ideal keep-net, but don't forget to throw the squirrels back into the tree at the end of the day.

shaunthesheep

shaunthesheep: Most Valued Member; Posts : 1672
Attitude : 1
Join date : 2009-11-19
Age : 64
Location : west midlands

Post n°3

Re: TOP TIP OF THE DAY

shaunthesheep Thu Feb 25, 2010 2:47 am

BOIL an egg to perfection without costly egg timers by popping it into boiling water and driving away from your home at exactly 60mph. After three miles, phone your wife to take the egg out the pan.

shaunthesheep

shaunthesheep: Most Valued Member; Posts : 1672
Attitude : 1
Join date : 2009-11-19
Age : 64
Location : west midlands

Post n°4

Re: TOP TIP OF THE DAY

shaunthesheep Thu Feb 25, 2010 2:51 am

CINEMAGOERS: Have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by using the toilet before the film

shaunthesheep

shaunthesheep: Most Valued Member; Posts : 1672
Attitude : 1
Join date : 2009-11-19
Age : 64
Location : west midlands

Post n°5

Re: TOP TIP OF THE DAY

shaunthesheep Thu Feb 25, 2010 2:53 am

BANGING two pistachio nut shells together gives the' impression a very small horse' is approaching

shaunthesheep

shaunthesheep: Most Valued Member; Posts : 1672
Attitude : 1
Join date : 2009-11-19
Age : 64
Location : west midlands

Post n°6

Re: TOP TIP OF THE DAY

shaunthesheep Thu Feb 25, 2010 2:55 am

FEMALE shop assistants: When a garage mechanic comes to your till, add on a selection of random items they didn't know they needed and charge them £50 labour costs for the transaction.

Binky

Binky: Skilled Rider; Posts : 761
Attitude : 1
Join date : 2009-11-15
Location : West Mids

Post n°7

Re: TOP TIP OF THE DAY

Binky Thu Feb 25, 2010 3:56 am

don't take these tips too seriously ....

I think they were copied straight out of viz

http://www.fishtank.org.uk/humour/humour.php3?articleid=61

mickster1

mickster1: CBT Wobbler; Posts : 157
Attitude : 3
Join date : 2009-11-15
Age : 55
Location : sheffield

Post n°8

Re: TOP TIP OF THE DAY

mickster1 Thu Feb 25, 2010 4:19 am

shaunthesheep wrote:BANGING two pistachio nut shells together gives the' impression a very small horse' is approaching

thats got to be worth the extra red helmet Clap

EllieCat

EllieCat: Soon be popping Wheelies; Posts : 370
Attitude : 7
Join date : 2009-11-16
Age : 54
Location : Chesterfield

Post n°9

Re: TOP TIP OF THE DAY

EllieCat Thu Feb 25, 2010 5:01 am

Soooooo Bloody Funny! brighten my day!!!

DON'T waste money on expensive ipods. Simply think of your favourite tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of another song you like and hum that instead.

DEPRESSED people: Instead of attempting suicide as a ' Crying or Very sad

for help', simply shout 'Help!' thus saving money on paracetamol, etc.

EllieCat

EllieCat: Soon be popping Wheelies; Posts : 370
Attitude : 7
Join date : 2009-11-16
Age : 54
Location : Chesterfield

Post n°10

Re: TOP TIP OF THE DAY

EllieCat Thu Feb 25, 2010 5:01 am

WOMEN: Don't waste energy faking orgasms. Most men couldn't give a s**t anyway and you could use the saved energy to hoover the house afterwards.

shaunthesheep

shaunthesheep: Most Valued Member; Posts : 1672
Attitude : 1
Join date : 2009-11-19
Age : 64
Location : west midlands

Post n°11

Re: TOP TIP OF THE DAY

shaunthesheep Thu Feb 25, 2010 9:09 am

Binky wrote:don't take these tips too seriously ....

I think they were copied straight out of viz

http://www.fishtank.org.uk/humour/humour.php3?articleid=61

of coarse they are out the " viz " ..obvious really Smile

Binky

Binky: Skilled Rider; Posts : 761
Attitude : 1
Join date : 2009-11-15
Location : West Mids

Post n°12

Re: TOP TIP OF THE DAY

Binky Thu Feb 25, 2010 9:15 am

well puss used to take them seriously ... you know the one about using selotape to stop your eggs rolling off the table Smile

shaunthesheep

shaunthesheep: Most Valued Member; Posts : 1672
Attitude : 1
Join date : 2009-11-19
Age : 64
Location : west midlands

Post n°13

Re: TOP TIP OF THE DAY

shaunthesheep Thu Feb 25, 2010 9:15 am

EllieCat wrote:WOMEN: Don't waste energy faking orgasms. Most men couldn't give a s**t anyway and you could use the saved energy to hoover the house afterwards.

trust me ... they don't " fake them " when im on the job

i do the fuckin hoovering anyway :scrap)

Binky

Binky: Skilled Rider; Posts : 761
Attitude : 1
Join date : 2009-11-15
Location : West Mids

Post n°14

Re: TOP TIP OF THE DAY

Binky Thu Feb 25, 2010 9:17 am

or was it sausages?

Binky

Binky: Skilled Rider; Posts : 761
Attitude : 1
Join date : 2009-11-15
Location : West Mids

Post n°15

Re: TOP TIP OF THE DAY

Binky Thu Feb 25, 2010 9:20 am

but thinking about it you don't keep sausages in egg boxes! .... do you? Sad

GEEZOS

GEEZOS: CBT Wobbler; Posts : 141
Attitude : 1
Join date : 2009-12-16
Age : 51
Location : reading

Post n°16

Re: TOP TIP OF THE DAY

GEEZOS Thu Feb 25, 2010 12:52 pm

my sweetart loves to hum the notional anethem on my landing gear, she cales it the hummer.

Jaeger

Jaeger: CBT Wobbler; Posts : 158
Attitude : 3
Join date : 2009-11-14
Age : 64
Location : Due South

Post n°17

Re: TOP TIP OF THE DAY

Jaeger Thu Feb 25, 2010 8:16 pm

EllieCat wrote:WOMEN: Don't waste energy faking orgasms.

what's one o them then ??? :scrap)

wackjonny

wackjonny: 4 Lids,VIP Member!; Posts : 1135
Attitude : 2
Join date : 2009-11-14
Age : 56
Location : Nottingham

Post n°18

Re: TOP TIP OF THE DAY

wackjonny Thu Feb 25, 2010 10:42 pm

my mrs has multi-pul orgasms

Cool

GEEZOS

GEEZOS: CBT Wobbler; Posts : 141
Attitude : 1
Join date : 2009-12-16
Age : 51
Location : reading

Post n°19

Re: TOP TIP OF THE DAY

GEEZOS Thu Feb 25, 2010 11:53 pm

only 1 way 2 be shure john
if the jap flag is going
5p 10p 50p 2pound coin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
u might b in 4 a disopointment.

Binky

Binky: Skilled Rider; Posts : 761
Attitude : 1
Join date : 2009-11-15
Location : West Mids

Post n°20

Re: TOP TIP OF THE DAY

Binky Fri Feb 26, 2010 2:28 am

save money turn the heating off during the summer Laughing

mickster1

mickster1: CBT Wobbler; Posts : 157
Attitude : 3
Join date : 2009-11-15
Age : 55
Location : sheffield

Post n°21

Re: TOP TIP OF THE DAY

mickster1 Fri Feb 26, 2010 7:13 am

save gas ,
fart in a moneybox :crap)

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